


The Most Ridiculous Game

by thescyfychannel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Competition, Inappropriate Erections, Jungle, M/M, Multi, Paintball, Tarzan References, Vine Swing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 11:32:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18964396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescyfychannel/pseuds/thescyfychannel
Summary: Realtalk, there's something absolutely fucking nuts in those Crocker Harley English Egbert genes.You're an expert.You would know.





	The Most Ridiculous Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheMockingCrows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMockingCrows/gifts).



> "Playful round of fisticuffs gone awry turns into a lot more. John in pre-existing hearts with Dave developing spades with Jake who also has hearts for John anyone? Red and Green bein' lil shits to win blue boy's affections."
> 
> Well it definitely went awry, but I'm not sure what counts as turning into a lot more.

The original plan had been simple. Get into a little bit of a spat, take a little time to show things off, you know, _really_  get an opportunity to work all of your best angles, preferably shirtless, in front of the Egbert of your and Jake's choice. Obviously you were fighting for the honor and pride of John Egbert's heart, but that was mostly just jokes, because you and Jake were _well_  aware that you could (and, in fact, would) share.

Only, uh.

John. You had not counted on John.

 

John did _not_  realize that it was Mostly Just Jokes with a side of serious (because it's _John fucking Egbert_ , after all, and you _do_  want to prove exactly how good you are), and had taken everything to heart. _John_  had decided that the best way for the two of you to work out your aggression and re-learn how to share and become friends was to take things to the proverbial next level.

Listen. Of all the things you knew—of all the Crockharlengberts you knew—John was the absolute _last_ one that you'd expected to take things to _The Most Dangerous Game_  tier.

Uh. Not that he was _actually_  hunting you for realsies, but...paintballs, man. They _hurt_.

Also, you were pretty sure he was a hammer guy anyway, so what the fuck.

 

You and Jake had so far managed to cooperate, with your far inferior weaponry and the meager head start you'd been given. So far, he'd taught you how to rig up several ( _nonlethal_ ) traps, mocked you mercilessly in an old-timey dialect no one but him even used for failing to watch your sixes and sevens, and thoroughly impressed and infuriated you in every possible way. Once you guys had successfully convinced John of your willingness to work together, you were going to have to take a little extra time to convince Jake of the benefits of punching each other out. Preferably with your mouths.

And also maybe dicks. Dicks could be involved, too.

 

Now you'd made it to the supposedly safest point of the island, a deceptively quiet place that had trees filled with birds that would go off screeching at the slightest alarming sound. You'd built the rudimentary beginnings of a fort, coming up with as many traps as you dared, whenever you ventured out into the jungle that surrounded you. Both of you were paint splattered, but so far, no true kill shots had been made—which meant, as far as John's rules were concerned, the both of you were still in the game.

Silence reigns, as the two of you survey your quiet kingdom.

And then you hear it, coming in hot from the trees—a primal scream, the links of which you'd only ever heard during the very most climactic hours of SBURB.

John Egbert, half-naked, hanging from a vine and firing his paintball gun wildly as he swung.

You've never seen anymore more beautiful and terrifying in your entire goddamn life, and you really wish you were only thinking with your dick because you think you might actually be in love.


End file.
